Thursday, March 13, 2008

Chov's F*cktacular NRL 2008 Preview #2: C*nterbury Bullwogs

Team: C*nterbury Bullwogs

Why I Hate The F*cken Team / F*cken Coach / F*cken Locality: So many reasons, so little time. I mean, just to whip out a couple - the blatant and unrepentant salary-cap cheating, the pack-rapes their players engage in and their scum-of-the-f*cken-earth "fans", what's not to love about hating this slimy bunch of putrid filth staining the earth? There's something in this turd-stain of a club for everyone in the whole family to hate!

Special F*ckwit Watch: Well, you'll have to wait for another club's preview to get me started on Willie "Mr A.D.D" Mason, alas. But never fear, with this all-star line-up of F*CKWITS to hate instead:

  • Willie "I'm Next" Tonga: Willie lists "X-Box" and "Stamp-collecting" as his hobbies. Also "waiting in line to pack rape women at Central Coast motels".
  • Matt "Meat Sack" Utai: The result of a scientific experiment to jam 7 human beings into a single 4 foot tall body. They couldn't find any room for the brains.
  • Hazchem El MajorDick - couldn't tackle his way out of a wet paper bag, wears undershorts for no reason, C*nterbury fans love him, token ethnic minority.
  • Reni Manure - so you're a f*cken "Bra Boy" and you're f*cken "Bra-Boy" tough huh? F*cken puh-lease. Join the SAS then, f*cken heroes.
  • Chris Armpit, Andrew "The Human Eyebrow" Ryan, Justin Tsoulos - f*cken JUDAS TRIO.
  • 10,000 C*nterbury fans - every f*cken single f*cken week.

What I'd Love To See In 2008:

  • An A380 Airbus crashes into the ground at the C*nterbury vs Melbourne Scum game, destroying the entire coaching and playing staffs of both clubs, and up to 30,000 of their fans as a special bonus. (The plane is also full of C*nterbury and Melbourne Scum fans, and piloted by John Ribot).
  • More crowd trouble at a C*nterbury game, however the flares they set off set fire to the entire Bullwog Army. NRL bans the club from all competition for 812 years anyway.
  • Sonny-Bill injured for 25 of 26 rounds. And suspended for the other. Actually, this might well happen.
  • C*nterbury losing 27 times, including a credibility-destroying 6,228 - nil loss to Eels.

Overall Hate Factor: 15/10 - F*ck the f*cken f*ckers.