Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Chov's World Cup 2010 Daily Forehead Slap

It's a late start, but here is Chov's Daily roundup of the World Cup 2010.

There'll be a quick recap post to bring it up to date in the next day or so.

Day 10

Paraguay 2-0 Slovakia
Paraguay are the only team that can seriously threaten Argentina for the title of “Most 70s Hairstyles In One Squad”.

Watching Slovakia play is more boring (and possibly more pointless) than watching two thousand consecutive first quarters of NBA basketball.

Cheats FC 1-1 Sheep-Shaggers Utd
Didn’t watch it. As if I’m getting up at stupid o’clock to watch those fercuckwits from across the ditch play. SHOCKED to see they managed to jag a draw against Italy. COMPLETELY UNSHOCKED to further learn that the Italians MILKED AN UNDESERVED PENALTY. If there is any race in the ferkucken universe more filthy, dirty and cheating than the Italians then let’s only hope that they have been imprisoned by an advanced intelligence in a stronger sheet of glass than General Zod in Superman III.

Oh dear. Nope. I just checked and the Melbourne Scum are still running around the NRL.

This match also cements my prediction that Shane Smeltz is the “Karel Poborsky” of World Cup 2010. That is, will fluke a goal or something, jag a big-money move to a European club (hopefully NOT Man Utd this time…) and then revert to type and totally stink the joint up, returning to the A-League no later than 2012.

Brazil 3-1 Ivory Coast
Luis Fabiano, who is a fucking dirty cheat striker for Brazil, scored a goal in which he TWICE used his hand to control the ball and set up the shot that beat the keeper. My brother and I thoroughly checked our instruction manuals for both FIFA 10 and Pro Evo Soccer on the Xbox and PS3 and we couldn’t find any combination of controls that would produce this amazing trick manoeuvre, known as the “T.Henry” from now on.

Brazilian maestro Kaka was sent off in quite frankly ridiculous fashion. It can only be presumed that Keita was suddenly and quite violently SHOT IN THE FUCKEN FACE BY A SNIPER as he ran into Kaka. But for every pussy Brazilian who wants to whinge about it….watch this...