tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24362366485645992552024-03-05T20:52:07.475+11:00Chov's Rant EmporiumChov's Rant Emporium, a nonsense-filled blog for the discerning ranter.
(Note to self: Insert 10,000 word legal disclaimer here when I have time...)Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-1427398954674511702010-06-22T13:46:00.003+10:002010-06-22T13:51:12.810+10:00Chov's World Cup 2010 Daily Forehead SlapIt's a late start, but here is Chov's Daily roundup of the World Cup 2010.
There'll be a quick recap post to bring it up to date in the next day or so.
Day 10
Paraguay 2-0 Slovakia
Paraguay are the only team that can seriously threaten Argentina for the title of “Most 70s Hairstyles In One Squad”.
Watching Slovakia play is more boring (and possibly more pointless) than watching two Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-28134017616113927982010-03-26T10:21:00.000+11:002010-03-26T10:21:52.991+11:00Don't count your chickens, dipshits.As a long suffering Parramatta Eels fan, I know all about the Curse of Brain Smith.
So I feel it's only fair to explain it to all the Chooks fans who are getting giddy and almost wetting themselves with premiership excitement after TWO ROUNDS.
Brain Smith appears to be a good coach.
He will improve your team by moulding it into a certain formula.
You will win many games.
You will get Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-78307509250967598072010-03-25T11:53:00.000+11:002010-03-25T11:53:13.682+11:00Bulldogs Announce New Club Award - The Ben Hannant Memorial Wimp of the Fucken Year AwardBen Hannant, you fucken wimp, you piss me off.
At first it was just mid-level annoyance. Like a faint itch on my nuts during a work meeting when I'm unable to scratch it but am generally able to carry on trying to block it out. (And then get down for a scratchy-dig in the hallway as I leave, only to get busted by Sue the Walrus from Accounting, who seems to enjoy it...)
Being a Bulldog then Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-15748251260003622972010-03-24T10:53:00.009+11:002010-03-24T11:21:45.103+11:00Welcome to the stage...the Moan-ly Sea Eagles!Rightio.First morons up against the wall - the Manly Sea Eagles. That's it...a nice family-friendly pic. Bit of a smile. Bit of a laugh. The sponsors will love this. And if they don't we'll call their daughters sluts and punch them out at our season launch.Having an almighty sook of fucken Biblical proportions. (That is, the biggest sook since Jehousahuah had a sook about obstruction during the Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-57615570735014541892010-03-24T10:45:00.003+11:002010-03-24T10:47:46.945+11:00I'm back. And I'm not happy.Alright that's it.You actually went and did it, world.You really did. You decided that I couldn't be left alone in peace and you had to go and throw enough morons at me to really piss me off and now I'm all enraged and have to blog again.And so now EVERYONE is going to cop a spray.Don't blame me. Blame the morons.Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-26529926462016384622009-08-03T14:18:00.017+10:002009-08-03T16:29:02.952+10:00What a KHunt. Karmichael Hunt, showing a complete mastery of the AFL-skill "falling over spectacularly and for absolutely no apparent reason". Note the absence of the ball anywhere in this shot. Karmichael Hunt, or, as this blog prefers to call him, The KHunt, last week officially announced his intention to leave rugby league and the Brisbane Broncos to sign elsewhere.Ho-hum, really. Even the part about Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-45178964480556009072009-07-30T16:03:00.010+10:002009-07-30T16:47:32.917+10:00Unexplained Mysteries of the UniverseChov, as you know, is one of the great thinkers of modern times.Which means he thinks a lot.About all sorts of $hit that affects the world around us all, usually through the idiocy of others.And Chov tries to find answers. Meaning. Something with which to make sense of the world's morons and their actions, so that we all might be better able to combat them.And sometimes, those answers, and that Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-7082458058695106482009-07-23T14:13:00.009+10:002009-07-30T16:02:10.945+10:00Machine-Gun Moronity #2: The Facts Are Wrong, Rafa, No?Man Utd, Official #1 Favourite Sporting Team of The Chov, won their 18th league title a couple of months ago, bringing them level with the bin-dippers from Merseyside, who have been growing increasingly rattled and hysterical ever since we came within spitting distance of their record.And one of the most satisfying elements of this league title was that it came at the expense of Liver Poo's Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-30238476250285648882009-07-23T09:50:00.006+10:002009-07-23T10:15:33.197+10:00Machine-Gun Moronity #1: Saving The World, One Moron At A TimeI hate it when work gets in the way of my social life. My social life consisting of a desire to do not much of anything except hurl Thongs of Smiting at the TV screen when things pi$$ me off.So many issues have tapped the throbbing vein of my rage in recent times I will have to machine-gun them - i.e a few short bursts of hard-hitting bile-bullets - in order to get through them and catch up on Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-51917378106796501492009-05-12T11:53:00.002+10:002009-07-30T16:02:51.649+10:00And now, we interrupt our regular rubbish to bring you a serious RAGE interlude..And so, after a period of dormancy, Chov returns with a rage to blister the paint on his walls and which blew out about 14 of those stupid little downlights around his hut (Chov lives as a recluse in a hut somewhere up in the ranges around Canberra).I have to think that the period of inactivity on this blog was due to the fact that Chov has not watched much NRL this year.The last moments of footyChovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-39957675672366901662009-02-27T15:32:00.002+11:002009-02-27T15:35:19.133+11:00Happy Birthday to Me. Again.The Chov celebrating a whopping 35 angry orbits today!! Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-31444310100321858892009-02-23T12:02:00.010+11:002009-02-23T12:19:26.545+11:00Chov's 15 Second Book Review, followed by Chov's 15 Minute Book Review (of the same book).You may not be aware of the fact that I am a member of the Mac Fields Book Club, a small gathering of like-minded intellectuals who like to appreciate literature and discuss its merits whilst the chairman, Cracka Nash (Mayor of Mac Fields) serves tea in fine china cups in his extensive gardens.The latest literary offering I have digested is “Justice For All: The Truth About Metallica” by music “Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-56844975492613043992009-02-20T10:58:00.020+11:002009-02-20T11:52:11.690+11:00Wearing a lab coat does not make Bonzo the Clown a scientist....There are some morons in this world who must feel it is their civic duty to spread general dip$hittery around when, in fact, they should instead be inserting their heads into their own ar$eholes where the only damage they can cause is to themselves and their sphincters.Which would be pleasing to rest of us.But instead, up they get to say stupid $hit from taller and taller soapboxes, and the sad Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-56820387302929124202009-02-19T11:48:00.011+11:002009-02-19T12:47:36.874+11:00Proof that two halfwits don't combine to form one full wit.Regular readers of this blog will know that it's main purpose is to draw attention to the f*ckwits that inhabit our world and make things more difficult for the rest of us. In the vain hope they will change.So when I observe f*ckwits doing the myriad of things that f*ckwits do, I rush to line up against them.Sometimes I take sides because I care.And other times I take sides just for $hits and Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-23997920182516907592009-02-17T10:28:00.003+11:002009-02-17T12:37:16.643+11:00Fifty Posts!An amazing milestone has been reached!The Chov has roused himself just often enough to have reached the FIFTY BLOG-POST mark!Fifty posts of irrelevant rubbish, read by about 12 people.Go ahead, laugh, mock.It's still more than YOU'VE done today.I do, in fact, rule.Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-37811764163759652272009-02-16T15:02:00.005+11:002009-02-16T15:04:56.877+11:00Chov's 2008 FUCKWIT of THE YEAR Award!Ladies and gentlemen, Chov is back from vacation, where he quietly ushered in a new year and put in a few hours sorting out his notes for his future memoirs.I know the hundreds of you here paid upwards of $1000 a table, which means you've all f*cken gone and pi$$ed KRudd's economic stimulus payments up the f*cken urinal wall - JUST LIKE HE WANTS YOU TO.Yes, it is indeed time for us to officially Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-5391722251886031832009-02-16T11:48:00.018+11:002009-02-16T13:37:48.764+11:00Charles Haley is not gay. He just exposed his penis to a guy who is.I'm going to assume that cricket season is nearly over, thank f*ck.I can't actually tell for sure, as I haven't watched a single f*cking ball being bowled since the test matches finished, but the highlights for various useless matches seem to be interrupting the sports news less and less.And if you are one of those people who think 20-20 cricket is the new "thing" and more exciting than watching Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-40538819171364244812009-02-09T14:39:00.011+11:002009-02-10T13:55:39.357+11:00Just when I thought 2009 might be different...I have just read the stupidest sentence ever written.A sentence so vacuous, so devoid of anything approaching independent, intelligent thought that the following events happened simultaneously and instantly:* A corpuscle in my left eyeball exploded, shouting "I REGRET NOTHING!!!";* My IQ dropped 87 points momentarily, meaning I spent 18 seconds seriously considering hip-hop to be a valid form of Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-23818698975968505092008-12-23T09:20:00.005+11:002008-12-23T15:41:58.752+11:00Merry Chovmas!YOU go sit on his lap and ask him for a pony..... Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-48515379612604417792008-12-22T09:14:00.013+11:002008-12-23T09:26:52.428+11:00Unlovable Losers...Part II'll dig a little hole here and BURY some of my SPARE F*CKING CASH because I have run out of places to bury it in my BACKYARD. And all my POCKETS are FULL. Hey, I wonder if this will count as a F*CKING GOAL??This blog post is dedicated to the memory of John Aloisi, former Socceroo and Sydney FC striker (the guy everyone remembers for slotting home the penalty that beat Uaregay and put Australia Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-67639858480679232862008-12-19T10:37:00.005+11:002008-12-19T11:41:38.353+11:00Introducing...The Golden Trio!!!The Chov is a member of a secret society called "The Golden Trio" and whilst you may not have previously known this, you can peruse some of their wise meanderings over at:http://goldentriumvirate.blogspot.com/ Consider this a shameless plug for that blog, and at the same time a brief introduction of the heroes of the day, the geniuses behind the curtain, the esteemed authors of this crazy-genius Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-63986672736755035012008-12-18T10:38:00.006+11:002008-12-18T12:25:22.481+11:00Danger: It's All Relative"Tastes like chicken!"According to ananova this (probably barely literate) daredevil from a nondescript village somewhere in China called Wangzhuang (translation: The People's Superior Bird's Nest Stadium Apartments) reckons he has "...been eating live snakes for 10 years."Far out.And it started, as ALL THESE SORTS OF THINGS DO, with a DRUNKEN BET BETWEEN MATES."He started by eating one to win a Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-53210938125611456582008-12-17T14:31:00.008+11:002008-12-17T15:11:20.027+11:00Climate Change = Water Views For Everybody!Redundant jobs in the post-climate-change future: changing faulty tap-washers.I would like to take a few special moments to personally tea-bag, with my massive hairy sack, every nimrod from Senator Bob Brown on down who frots themselves into a hissy-frenzy over "climate-change".See, NOW you understand that the Prime Minister, Saint KRudd, is only the Patron Saint of Working Families and doesn't Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-71282766866004418292008-12-17T13:20:00.006+11:002008-12-17T15:12:33.247+11:00The Chov - Smarter Than Everybody Who Invested With Bernard Madoff"With these bailouts, I can't afford NOT to wipe my a$$ with these things!": Ed Liddy, CEO of AIG You want The Chov's financial advice for the world? When you smell bull$hit, there's probably bull$hit lying around somewhere in the immediate vicinity."Guaranteed returns" are only "guaranteed" for the guy who is hoovering up your cash you morons.What? You think there are "experts" in the Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2436236648564599255.post-89320724475563761452008-12-12T11:28:00.007+11:002008-12-12T16:54:54.562+11:00Great Geniuses of the Internet: A Case StudyChov-Blog Groupies, let's welcome to the stage, this week's winner, Mr "Sergey of Australia"!But, first, some filler.Recently, some f*ckwit saw a photo on Google Maps with a lens flare or some other boring f*cken photographic effect, and immediately concluded it was genuine bona-fide evidence of UFOs.As you do.The Daily Rag, always on the lookout for stupid $hit to print, ran it immediately at Chovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480163134928332179noreply@blogger.com