Some dude not named Steve Vai decided to blog about the "Top 7 Worst Guitar Solos Of All Time", although how something could be the "top worst" anything is puzzling to those of us with brains.
The Fred Durst one IS quite funny. Watch it, if nothing else. It's very much like he thought about a f*ck-off-five-minute-face-melting guitar shred, moved his fingers around the frets, played a few random notes to warm up and then realised - in a moment of CRYSTAL F*CKEN CLARITY - he had ZERO F*CKEN IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING.
There are other lists around if you google enough, but what a waste of f*cken time.
Here comes Chov, to save your time and effort and just give it to you straight.
The worst 100 guitar solos of all time ALL BELONG TO TOM MORELLO. ALL of them. EVERY SINGLE F*CKEN ONE. Yep - from #1 through #100, and probably another 500 dishonourable mentions that just miss the cut. In fact, every solo he has ever played just goes on the list. Some good songs, some good riffs, sure. But his production assistants should just TURN THE F*CKEN SOUND OFF when he launches into a solo. This moron is responsible for a thousand people turning off rock music and toward hip-hop EVERY TIME THEY HEAR HIS SOLOS.
Tom is somehow 'famous'. I think it's for:
1. setting a new Guiness Book record for "most stickers on a guitar body, none of which are cool"*;
2. wearing a stupid f*cken Chicago Cubs cap for 8,934 days straight;
3. writing a bunch of whiny f*cken songs whilst in Rage Against The Machine, whinging about everything in the entire United States, but REFUSING TO LEAVE AND LIVE IN COMMUNIST F*CKEN CHINA, and
4. his custom "Digitech Whammy", which enables him to record himself taking a $hit with a microphone inserted into his own anus, digitise the sound and amplify it through his guitar - as a solo.
* They include a f*cken hippo (no I am not making this up) and an "Arm the Homeless" sticker. Yeah, that's what we f*cken need, crack-heads in the f*cken bus-interchange in Civic begging for small-change WHILE PACKING F*CKEN HEAT.
And while I'm on guitarists, here's a message to Coldplay, the MOST OVER_RATED BAND IN THE UNIVERSE, from The Chov and his hero Johnny Cash:
Hey Chris Martin! Have a Nice Day, now, y'hear?
And what exactly DID the angsty f*cken annoying little pi$$-ant little band of whiny-looking wimpy little f*cks actually DO to inspire this wrath? (Besides existing...)
F*CK YOU Cloneplay, F*CK RIGHT OFF. Kiss my beanbag you UNORIGINAL COPYCATS. Not only are you F*CKEN $HIT, you DON'T EVEN HAVE THE TALENT TO BE $HIT ON YOUR OWN!!