Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Mmmmm....I'm lovin' it.

In the USA (where else?) there is a couple who are suing McDonald's for a whole ship-load of cash.

And no, not because their hot-fudge sundaes turned up with turd in them.

And no, not because their kids got fat since Mum and Dad saw a Heart Foundation tick on the menu and thought it was up there with Bircher Muesli and Wheatgrass Salad in the "healthy" stakes.

No, what happened was Phillip "Ron Jeremy" Sherman took his wife out for a romantic dinner.

At McDonald's.

And at that dinner, he left his phone.

And on that phone he had some pics.

And in those pics, there was his wife.

And on his wife there were no clothes!

With a yeah baby, yeah, yeeharr, take it all off, work it baby work it here, and a yeah baby, yeah, yeeharr, take it all off, work it baby work it there.

Eee-eye, eee-eye, OH!

Now I don't know, but maybe Phil got it wrong. When he asked his wife what she wanted, maybe she said something about "I want Mr Happy today" and what he heard was "I want McHappy Day".

But I would like to ask where exactly the phone was 'left', because if it was in the Gents, next to the gloryhole, beneath the Shermans' hand-written phone number scrawled on the stall door, then I'm calling shenanigans on the whole affair.

And I would also ask if good McPhil-'er-up had ever also "accidentally left" his keys behind at parties, in the big bowl full of everyone else's keys.

Anyways, when "Supersize Me" Phil realises his "error", he of course rings up the restaurant. The following is an excerpt from the actual* transcription of the phone conversation:

Employee: "err..Mr Sherman, perhaps you'd like to speak to the Manager?.."
Phil: "....no, no, keep scrolling through...til you get to the pic I like to call "The Happy Meal"...I asked for a girl's toy with that one....oooh yeah....yeah you'll know it when you see it......yeah, yeah....don't stop now baby.."
Employee: "Mr Sherman? Are you ok? You sound like you're in some breathing difficulty?"
Phil: "Ask me if I want to upsize it! Quick! Quick! Ask me! Ask me! ASK ME IF I WANT TO UPSIZE IT BABY! YEAH!"

*Warning: May or may not be actual.

And now, according to the Swingin' Soft-Serve Shermans, it was an over-zealous (or over-aroused) McDonald's employee who uploaded the cheesecake poses to the internet before "Quarter Pounder" Phil could get there to pick up his lost phone.

Sounds to me like Phil "Yeah, I'll have fries with that alright baby yeah..." Sherman might have come up with an elaborate cover-up story for how the pics of his nude wife ended up on "HotBitchWivesWhoLoveToBang.com".

Blame the pimple-faced McDonald's kid.

Why didn't *I* think of that!?

Now I don't know the truth of how the pics of the two all beef patties got onto the world wide web - I really don't.

And I can't verify if any of the pics contained a glimpse of "special sauce".

And I'm not saying that Tina isn't perhaps a "healthy choice" and "tick-approved" herself - or that she isn't "steamin' hot" like the coffee.

I just want to know if Phil throws away the pickles?

And if his favourite menu item is the "McDipper"?

And were they looking to "eat-in" or were they looking for some hot "take-away" action?

And did McDonald's warn them there might be traces of "nuts" in their product?

And were the "buns" artificially sweetened?

And was the "beef" really 100% local produce?

So many questions, so few answers.