Thursday, March 25, 2010

Bulldogs Announce New Club Award - The Ben Hannant Memorial Wimp of the Fucken Year Award

Ben Hannant, you fucken wimp, you piss me off.

At first it was just mid-level annoyance. Like a faint itch on my nuts during a work meeting when I'm unable to scratch it but am generally able to carry on trying to block it out. (And then get down for a scratchy-dig in the hallway as I leave, only to get busted by Sue the Walrus from Accounting, who seems to enjoy it...)

Being a Bulldog then elevated you to Chov's First Circle of Hate, up there with idiots who drive slow in the right lane, dipshits who take a trolley full of groceries into the express basket lane and Laurie Daley.

Then you got swine flu and I laughed, so that was alright. (See, I can be fair and balanced, just like Fox News).

Michael Ennis: "See, Ben, THIS is what's called the "Hoppa", named after Manly grub John Hopoate, where I take my thumb (or any digit, really) and I shove it right in your...HEY! Don't tense up, Benny! THIS is why we're called the "Family Club"!" Jamal Idriss: "Holy shit, that's up past the knuckle! He REALLY likes you Ben!"

Not satisfied with that, though, you decided to play the Fucking Wimp last year and totally send my rage-DNA into full apoplexy.

This was when you milked a fucken penalty against the Eels for a 'chicken-wing' tackle, crying like a bitch that your shoulder was 'dislocated'.

Chov was the only person on Earth who fucking well spotted you, just moments later, USING THAT SAME ARM/SHOULDER TO PUSH NATHAN HINDMARSH IN YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO PROMPT A GIRLY PUSH FIGHT.

That's right, you fucken cat, your prissy little shoulder wasn't so hurt then was it? Was there fucken water from Lourdes in that trainer's bottle or fucken what!?

So that earned you your own entry in Chovpedia - the Book of Hate, you fucken albino shit-splat. (And thinking of footy wimps like you reminded me about Trent Barrett king-hitting the 4 foot 3 inch Eels hooker P.J Marsh FROM BEHIND, the weak fucken prat...)

But now you've even outdone yourself.

Now you want to move back to Queensland because you miss mummy and rainbows and the smell of fresh rose petals in the morning or some such crap. Sydney just too big and scary for you huh?

So is this why you moved from the Sydney Roosters back to Brisbane?


See, at least Sonny Bill just fucked off in the middle of the night.

And now you've gone and made me look like I'm defending Sonny Bill Williams, so fuck you for that.

Ok, maybe you were taking geography lessons from Jamie "Judas" Lyons, who left the Eels to move to the "country", apparently believing Manly to be a fucken rural community of just a few hundred horse-turds, R.M.Williams-wearing pig-rooters and tractor repairers.

Well he was right about the pig-rooters, I guess.