Machine-Gun Moronity #1: Saving The World, One Moron At A Time

I hate it when work gets in the way of my social life. My social life consisting of a desire to do not much of anything except hurl Thongs of Smiting at the TV screen when things pi$$ me off.

So many issues have tapped the throbbing vein of my rage in recent times I will have to machine-gun them - i.e a few short bursts of hard-hitting bile-bullets - in order to get through them and catch up on this ridiculous blog.

So, in no particular order, here's #1.

Regular readers of this nonsense will understand that Chov treats global warming hysterics with the contempt and ridicule they f*cken deserve.

The climate changes, people. It has for billions of years. We probably have something to do with it, but not much, because we haven't been here long enough and NOBODY IN THE F*CKEN WORLD UNDERSTANDS ANY SINGLE VARIABLE OF CLIMATE ENOUGH TO SAY ANYTHING F*CKEN USEFUL ABOUT ANTHROPOGENIC CAUSATION.

But on goes the hysteria, as though the sea is rising and I am typing this with F*CKEN MANTA-RAYS SWIMMING AROUND MY ANKLES ALREADY.

The latest piece of hysterical bull$hit to get my goat is this emissions-trading bill, which, under any other circumstances, would immediately be cast as one of the most brain-f*ckingly stupid ideas of all time.

But because the f*cken hysterics have taken over, it's rumoured to be a double-dissolution election trigger. The f*cken government of our nation could be decided by this f*ckwittery.

Why is it stupid, Chov, o wonderous scourge of f*ckwits everywhere?

I'm glad you asked!

Because it actually does precisely 100.0% of F*CK ALL whilst convincing morons like Bob Brown it will actually save the world.

What it does is allow industry to POLLUTE ALL THE F*CK THEY WANT, so long as they pay for it with stupid little certificates.

So it's just a tax.

That's it.

That's the magic cure for the earth, KRudd style.

Relying completely on industry to voluntarily reduce emissions so they subsequently save on tax.

Which completely ignores the great likelihood they'll do one (or both) of 2 things:

1. Pass the f*cken cost on to consumers, because what f*cken company do YOU know wears this sort of $hit themselves in order to serve the greater "good"?
2. F*ck off to India and China where they laugh at this sort of stupid f*cken scheme, and have already f*cked it off.
And, as for (1), remember that poor people (i.e "working families") will be subsidised for increased energy costs.

So, if the energy sector pass on the cost of emissions trading, and then KRudd subsisides the poor people on their bills anyway, WHAT THE F*CK HAS BEEN ACHIEVED?

Where's the incentive for any-f*cken-one to reduce emitting ANYTHING other than f*cktard-brainwaves?

Aaah, rich people, I hear you mutter.

Rich people can afford it and will likely do bugger all except whinge about the extra on their bill, then pay it anyway.

So, if you are a f*cking clueless herd-follower who is screaming about climate-change and f*cken polar bears drowning, ask yourself this question about the emissions-trading scheme world-saving extravaganza - how the f*ck does it reduce emissions, pinheads?

And why doesn't KRudd commit to using the tax to fund alternative energy development - like, oh, cold fusion (which is at about the same level of scientific credibility as climate change models)?

Stupid f*ckers the lot.

Wearing a lab coat does not make Bonzo the Clown a scientist....

There are some morons in this world who must feel it is their civic duty to spread general dip$hittery around when, in fact, they should instead be inserting their heads into their own ar$eholes where the only damage they can cause is to themselves and their sphincters.

Which would be pleasing to rest of us.

But instead, up they get to say stupid $hit from taller and taller soapboxes, and the sad thing is that, eventually, MORONS FLOCK TO THEM and the stupid $hit they were saying suddenly becomes EN VOGUE.

Stop and f*cken think about what you believe, people, BEFORE YOU START BELIEVING IT.

For starters, all you need to do is TAKE A F*CKEN LOOK AT THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU, saying the stupid $hit.

There's normally a great clue right there.

Al Gore is a f*cking dimwitted chump, the same fool who couldn't beat the f*cking CHIMPANZEE-SMART George Bush, and apparently HOOVERS UP F*CKING POWER LIKE AN 80s HEAVY METAL STAR SNORTING COKE...

"In the past year, Gore’s home burned through 213,210 kilowatt-hours (kWh) of electricity, enough to power 232 average American households for a month.

Since taking steps to make his home more environmentally-friendly last June, Gore devours an average of 17,768 kWh per month –1,638 kWh more energy per month than before the renovations – at a cost of $16,533. By comparison, the average American household consumes 11,040 kWh in an entire year, according to the Energy Information Administration."

And the sad part is, millions of f*ckwits all over the world decided that this guy is a f*cken genius and his movie of f*cking outrageous bull$hit was BELIEVABLE.

Al Gore, APPARENTLY A GENIUS OF ALL SCIENCE, proudly posing with a hurricane HE HELPED CREATE.

But why would Al Gore lie about something so serious, Chov?

"In the wake of becoming the most well-known global warming alarmist, Gore won an Oscar, a Grammy and the Nobel Peace Prize. In addition, Gore saw his personal wealth increase by an estimated $100 million thanks largely to speaking fees and investments related to global warming hysteria."

That's just great.

Al Gore's a moron, saying imbecilic things, you f*ckwits decide to believe him on the f*ckwitted basis that he's a f*cken FAILED POLITICIAN WITH NO SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE WHATSOEVER, he gets rich and I HAVE TO F*CKING SUFFER FOR IT.

And I have an even better example.

I mean, who would you turn to for valuable knowledge about your child's health - the World Health Organisation and lots of people with brains?

Or a F*CKING FORMER PLAYBOY BUNNY STAR WHO BARELY SCRAPES BY AS A C-GRADE TV ACTOR?

Nothing screams "BRAINS" like that tag-line eh?

And the message that hundreds of f*ckwits are now swallowing because Jenny McCarthy, the intellectual GIANT, said so?

Vaccines cause autism.

A picture of a vaccine research genius in the lab, examining mass-spectrometer readings.

No they f*cken don't and there's NEVER been ANY proof or even any PERSUASIVE INDEPENDENT EVIDENCE to say so.

But that doesn't stop MORONS from accepting it as FACT.

Here's a FACT. Measles KILLS. Here's another. Whooping Cough KILLS.

But that's ok for the anti-vaccine morons of the world, because they believe some spurious bull$hit and don't want to RISK their child contracting autism from a jab.

These same f*ckwits, I presume, have no problem putting their child into a car and driving down the street, despite the fact that EVEN IF THEIR POSITION WAS TRUE, THEY WOULD STILL BE MORE LIKELY TO HAVE THEIR CHILD HARMED OR KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

So don't feed me the 'avoiding risk' bull$hit.

The simply brilliant Professor Bob Park, of Maryland University, is succinct:

"On Thursday, three special masters demolished arguments that childhood vaccines, MMR in particular, cause autism. Brian Deer reported in the Sunday Times of London that Dr. Andrew Wakefield, the British physician who set off the vaccine panic, "manipulated and altered data" (also known as "lying") in a 1998 Lancet paper."

He LIED.

Why would a doctor lie about something so serious?

Well, it has recently been "...discovered that Wakefield had been in the pocket of a trial lawyers seeking to sue vaccine manufacturers, having accepted £435,643 in fees, plus £3,910 expenses for his "research."

And yet some people CONTINUE TO ignore such facts, ignore the exposing of LIES and decide to believe $hit BECAUSE A FAILED RICH POLITICIAN and a PLAYBOY BUNNY TOLD THEM TO.

And you f*cking wonder why I'm angry all the time.

Climate Change = Water Views For Everybody!

Redundant jobs in the post-climate-change future: changing faulty tap-washers.

I would like to take a few special moments to personally tea-bag, with my massive hairy sack, every nimrod from Senator Bob Brown on down who frots themselves into a hissy-frenzy over "climate-change".

See, NOW you understand that the Prime Minister, Saint KRudd, is only the Patron Saint of Working Families and doesn't really actually give an increasing-temperature f*ck about you and the raging 800-degree inferno that will be the summer of 2009. Which is going to make the coin-toss in the Boxing Day test even more crucial, as that pitch is going to be hotter than George Foreman's f*cken steak-griddle.

Now I don't like the term "climate-change denier". I don't even like "climate-change skeptic".

I prefer "climate-change PAGAN", or even "climate-change LAUGHER".

So you would think that, upon reading Saint KRudd's laughable little emissions target announcement I would be welcoming him into the ranks of People Who Don't F*cken Believe Everything A F*cken Failed American Vice-President Says About $hit He Doesn't Even F*cking Know About.

But, no, f*ck Saint KRudd, the f*cken little sly conniving f*ck.

Because, lacking The Chov's decisiveness, the little turd-sniffer tries an each way bet.

He's like a hooker who fell asleep on her shift and woke up with 5 minutes to go to discover a massive, impatient lineup of erections and is frantically trying to blow every one of them before she gets pimp-slapped for not bringing in enough cash-money.

The targets are well below what all the climate-change hysterics wanted, meaning we shall all perish in either an instantaneous f*cking ice-age or by turning into the f*cking surface of the sun (whichever one the climate-changers think applies at the time) - and it's all because the f*cken plants won't eat all the f*cken carbon because we didn't turn off our fridges or something.

But that's KRudd's point - it isn't much but at least he's done 'something'. And all the self-frotters can cry me a f*cken river now, dumbwanks.

Of course industry cries and moans, but that's for show. Any taxes they will pay for exceeding industry targets will get passed on to consumers, meaning everyone using electricity gets hosed.

So at this rate a few ferals from Byron Bay would be the only ones happy, only they can't f*cken read the newspaper because they rolled their last "happy-plants" up in it and smoked it.

So now all the same people whinging about climate-change can NOW whinge that their power bills are through the f*cken roof and how about KRudd do something about THAT because petrol is expensive, caviar is expensive and the 5 bedroom beachfront house I insist on living in is also expensive and I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO F*CKING WELL PAY FOR IT ALL DO I because I am a WORKING FAMILY, ME!

Never fear, KRudd has an answer.

He's going to 'subsidise' a cross-section of morons across society for the increased cost of power, which just happens to be f*cking well pretty much essential to modern life.

Bottom line: all the nimrods can keep on f*cking well driving their f*cking four-wheel drives to drop the kids off at school, leaving on all the f*cking lights, burning their f*cken plasma screen TVs 24-7 and generally seeing how many different new-gen gaming consoles they can have going at one time before the power-grid $hits itself.

AND KRUDD WILL HELP THEM PAY FOR IT.

So if you ARE a f*cken climate-change pants-wetter, how exactly does this help?

Aren't we SUPPOSED to feel the pain, so that we f*cking well TURN OFF THE LIGHTS EVERY NOW AND THEN? (Because, as I understand it, polar bears die when you leave the lights on because it reflects off the hole in the ozone and burns their retinas and then their retinas get hot and the mosquito-hordes will come further south because of the cold or the heat I can't remember which and eat the retinas of the polar bears, which can only happen when there are more cyclones and there will be more cyclones because of the global warming see innit and so the polar bears well they die see because they can't read because their retinas are burned and so they can't read the signs that say "no swimming" and so they go swimming because all the icebergs are now melted into swimming pools and the polar bears get bored and stop swimming because they're sick of swimming and they can't have sex with seals so they die. Or something. And all the dead polar bears make it hotter, or colder, or something, because they are white and all the whiteyness of the bears reflects the sun's rays, so without them we all get hit with solar rays and we'll all turn into the Fantastic Four or something, and then die. See?)

Awesomeness.

KRudd has actually achieved bureaucratic-idiot-nirvana - he's formalised a proposal that actually has a built in mechanism to defeat itself. Reduce emissions by introducing an incentive for people not to reduce emissions!

And where's the punctuation-challenged Treasurer during all this?

Busy sending out Christmas cards that read "Seasons Greeting's".

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24810824-952,00.html

That "Education Revolution" is a bit late for some people, I guess...