So when I observe f*ckwits doing the myriad of things that f*ckwits do, I rush to line up against them.
Sometimes I take sides because I care.
And other times I take sides just for $hits and giggles.
And then there are still other occasions when I can't take anybody's side because they're ALL F*CKWITS and EVERYBODY IS TALKING STUPID $HIT.
So let me introduce Benji "Pillows" Marshall, rugby league player for the Wests Tigers.
Benji is a weakling. If there is an opposite end in the Universe to the planet INDESTRUCTIBLE IV, then it is inside Benji Marshall's PEA-SIZED HEART. Benji bathes in SENSODYNE on medical advice due to his sensitive skin.
That Benji is overmatched playing rugby league against men is f*cking apparent and obvious to anyone with half a f*cking clue - unfortunately a demographic that doesn't include Benji himself. Benji exists in only two spheres of time/space - 'injured' or 'returning-from-injury'.
Since he made his debut in 2003, Benji has only managed to play a total of 80 games. Out of, oh, let's say 26 games a season (without finals or internationals)...carry the two...rounding...about 150.
Barely better than 1 game out of every 2.
Season before that?
And before that?
A f*cking Herculean 11.
Like I said. Wimp.
And now he and his manager want to spend the off-season playing rugby union.
Can you f*cking imagine it?
A pic of Benji Marshall relaxing and reading the Rant Emporium after leaving a typical Wests Tigers training session after only 3 minutes. He pulled a hamstring setting out the cones for drills. Due back on the field in Round 15.
This guy is as tough as f*cking fairy floss and creaming soda. He can barely play every other game AS IT IS, without playing more games.
Although, what am I saying? He'll more than likely just be watching from the stands as his new rugby union club plays games without him anyway.
But he's f*cking complaining because NRL chief David Gallop won't let him go and play rugby and therefore experience the new and exciting cultural wonders of physiotherapists and treatment rooms outside the NRL, for a change.
And that's where Gallop is ALSO talking a great shovel-load of crap.
First off, other players have pi$$ed off to rugby and Gallop has all but picked them up from the airport when they came back and given them a fully-lubed handjob on the way home - think Mat Rogers and Wendell Sailor (not just a rugby traitor but a f*cking drug cheat as well).
Gallop is apparently some sort of ex-lawyer, but can't spell I-N-C-O-N-S-I-S-T-E-N-T.
Let the f*cken idiot go you great f*cking JESSY.
"For a player who has had his share of injuries to go and play rugby - if he got injured and could not play the first few months of the rugby league season, the fans would be really disappointed, and they'd say, 'Why would we let this happen?"' Gallop said.
What are you - his f*cken mummy?
OF COURSE he'll get injured - it's what Benji Marshall does BEST!
And so the "fans" should be F*CKING WELL USED TO THE DISAPPOINTMENT BY NOW! I bet coach Tim Sheens is.
Every time some prima donna over-rated wankstain league player goes all "show me da money" a crescendo of f*ckwits cry that league will die if they go, scrap the salary cap, pay them more blah blah f*cken blah.
Well it's still here, despite this annual WHORING THEMSELVES OUT ORGY conducted by off-contract league mungo-men. I'm still waiting for Kogarah to fall into the f*cking ocean and for league to become extinct now that Gasnier has pi$$ed off to France.
The problem of league's future is not in a prima donna f*cking off to French rugby, it's in the lack of resources targeted for developing youth - which can also be coined as "where are the f*cken prima donnas of tomorrow going to come from?"
But that's not what this rant is about.
The Chov is here to tell you that the 2009 NRL premiership will go ahead with a full complement of teams EVEN IF BENJI MARSHALL F*CKS OFF.
And I will even frame a market quoting good odds that the 2010 season WILL ALSO BE LARGELY UNAFFECTED.
I know, I know, I should have warned you to sit down before reading that as the shock of such an OUTRAGEOUS PREDICTION will be so F*CKING ENORMOUS it could cause CATACLYSMIC DESTRUCTION.
And then Gallop also came up with this, frankly bizarre, piece of a-grade export-quality bull$hit to try and explain the situation:
"If I work for Coke, I'm not going to be allowed to go to Pepsi for a few months."
Well, actually, being a free labour market, if you were not employed or contracted to Coke you could GO AND FELLATE PEPSI BOTTLES IN THE MIDDLE OF MARTIN F*CKING PLACE if you f*cking well desired to do so.
But if this were Benji Marshall, he would leave Coke having only finished every second bottle, and he would arrive at Pepsi, get run over by a forklift on his way in on Day #1, spend 8 weeks recovering, and then on his first day back at work somebody would throw him a bottle and he would f*cking well DROP IT and smash it on his foot and be out for another 4 weeks and then, upon yet another return, he would dislocate his shoulder opening the front door.
By the end of that the PEPSI General Manager WOULD F*CKING WELL PERSONALLY DRIVE HIM BACK TO COKE HEAD OFFICE AND KICK HIM OUT THE F*CKEN CAR-DOOR.
And now THAT is what the fans want to see, Mr Gallop. So quit being part of the f*cking PROBLEM and start being part of the SOLUTION.